4urluv

I finally threw bagged up a pair of cut offs from HS that no longer fit me. My weight did fluctuate back then but has for the most part stabilized recently. It’s kind of a big deal because I’m not just accepting a pudgy, shortish-average stature. I have a small bone structure. So as “little” as 112 lbs. at 5′4.5″ sounds, these saddlebags and love handles say otherwise. I am not complaining. I just don’t think I should settle for what’s comfortable at the expense of my looks or health. I can’t help my structure, I can only help my weight.

The only problem is that I don’t know what goal to set now…105? 100 sounds anorexic. No offense. Any advice on this?

I’ve recently acknowledged the severity of my anxiety. I don’t want to leave the house without an immediate member of my family by my side.

I kept blaming and hating myself for my strangeness…kept thinking I would wake up and it would all vanish. My parents just assumed my social anxiety had gotten better. They repeatedly asked me why I wouldn’t socialize. I am sure they thought I was an underachiever or something. I can’t live in denial forever. I have to accept that this is real, it is a big problem, and it’s probably not going to go away on its own. I have told a small circle of people and have actually gotten a lot of emotional support. It feels good.

Lately I’ve been trying to cope with my anxiety in general by breathing in essential oils, doing pilates, not letting things get to me, and changing my outlook on life (things will be ok if they don’t happen right away). While this hasn’t helped much in terms of my social anxiety, it has helped with my day-to-day anxiety in my own home. I am definitely a work in progress.

Fortunately, I find myself not constantly obsessing about food. I was seeking it partially to ease my anxiety, but also for nourishment. The latter sounds good in theory. But in reality, if I find myself “making sure” I get enough nutrients but I actually end up unintentionally consuming too many calories in the process.

So my goals are to lessen my anxiety/panic attacks, stop being an emotional eater, and stop obsessing over food (there’s plenty of other things to obsess over, right, JK).

After the death of my cat, I cheated on my diet and felt really bad about it. Yes, I had every right to be sad–I’d had her in my life since 1990–but self destruction wasn’t the answer. On my diet, I am allowed one cheat day a week. I have been trying to get back on track.

Tonight, I was amazed when I stepped on the scale only to find that it read 123 pounds. Around the time of my wedding (our one year is coming up next week), the stress of everything got to me. The dry cleaners had my dress for what felt like forever! When I finally got it back, I could no longer fit into it! I had to take it to an alterationist who cut open the back and added strings to it. It was not attractive. My wedding pictures are completely unflattering. My stomach, arms, everything!

Since I was so busy, I didn’t log into Buddyslim at that time. So even though my tracker reads “135,” at one point, I had reached “150.” One of my friends at the time said I looked “thick” and it really hurt my feelings. I guess it was the way she said itm out of no where…blunt…without being asked. And the fact that she weighed a good 15 pounds more than I did at an inch taller in height. But she was right.

According to one test, I am actually small-medium framed. Knowing that makes me feel even worse. I am five-four and a half and weigh 123 pounds. How small do I need to get to look “small” (as I am meant to be) or at least have thin thighs? I mean if you have a small bone structure, it definitely isn’t healthy to have excess weight, right?

Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself. I don’t know. I guess I am just having some image issues. I have accomplished a lot but I am not sure what to make my next goal.

So man I’ve tried a lot of different dietary ‘life-styles’ lately. I completely envy people that are naturally skinny! I was vegetarian for like 7 years, but eventually wondered the point of it all, felt like I was eating too many carbs, and the area I have moved to doesn’t offer veggie friendly options. Then I tried the low carb thing, which I could honestly cope with, but my body had some severe digestion problems, I will be vague about that. So now I have eliminated all dairy (except egg whites) and as much fat as I can from my diet (mostly to benefit my health, but hopefully I will also lose some weight). I feel healthy. Really healthy, but I think I have finally realized that I am an emotional eater. It’s my ’sin’ and my form of self-destruction. When I am feeling low about myself, I stop caring about how I look. I think I need to just focus on making things better and gain a more positive outlook (easier said than done, right?). I am realizing that I am not getting any younger and those ‘extra five pounds’ quickly multiply and may result in much bigger issues.If anyone has any suggestions on overcoming emotional eating, feel free to let me know.

Not trying to gp negative here, but I have days when I wonder if my effort will really pay off. I don’t know how much I need to be exercising to get my body in the shape I want it to be in. Does anyone know of any resources to help me figure that out?

Does anyone have any tips to over a sweet tooth? Sometimes it seems like I have so much self-control, nothing “indulgent” sounds good, and everything is going fine, like I am finally on the right track.
And then out of no where, I will crave sweets like there’s no tomorrow and my appetite seems out of control. Are there any safe, natural appetite suppressants that help one to maintain a stable appetite, thus weight??????

I am really feeling psyched and motivated right now, but don’t know how long this will last.

I welcome all helpful insight that you may have for me. Keep up the good work everybody!